Sunday, July 28, 2013

Road to Raw Nationals 2013



Road to Raw Nationals 2013

My first National event is over. To say the last 7 months of training has been exhausting is an understatement. I trained through law school. I trained through heartbreak. I trained through tears. I trained through injuries (shoulder, back, flexors). I trained through dislocations and separations. I trained through holidays. I trained through birthdays. I trained on my own graduation day. I trained alone. I trained with my coach and boss at CrossFit 27:17 Michael McElroy. I trained in silence. I trained to acoustic music and Rage Against the Machine. I trained when my mind screamed at me to stop. I trained through an eating disorder relapse. I trained.
 

Brother Bennett

I started powerlifting training after a hiatus (last time I trained for it was in high school; 2006) after a shoulder injury in December. I initially only planned on doing a local meet in February. Working under Mike we had some good gains; I had a 270 SQ (PR)- 115 BP (PR; my shoulder rolled out on attempt 1 and when I got attempt 2, I scratched my 3rd)- 275 DL (first time my DL was higher than my SQ; PR). I set a state record and won 3rd overall against women in gear and equipment. I compete raw which means no help from suits and knee wraps that can give you an advantage of 50 – 150 pounds on your raw lifts dependent on how strong your gear is. 

275 raw deadlift

115 raw bench 

Injury

After that meet, my shoulder was still bugging me. I had been getting shots in them for the pain but they kept coming out and hurting on any OH movement. Then in March I got news that I had a severe case of os acromiale. I was born 3 months premature and always had shoulder problems; turns out the bones aren’t fused together and they slip in and out of joint and pinch the muscles/tendons/nerves around it on the OH movements. It was why snatch and kipping sent me to the floor in pain. I’m not talking “Oh that hurts” pain—I’m talking a “I just got hit by a Mack truck and now there are 12 million rusty knives stabbing me from my neck through my hands” pain. I went to PT and took NSAIDs but nothing worked. Two doctors told me it was so severe surgery would be of no use as my shoulders would continue to slip out.

It was hard to not be able to do what you love. Snatch was one of my favorite lifts to perform and coach. As a coach, going to certifications and having to tell people “No, I can’t snatch more than the PVC Pipe” really hurt. I know people might think less of me as a coach or an athlete for it but you can’t help the hand you’ve been dealt. My passion for strength sports is always evident and I was determined to make the best of it. 

That’s where Coach Mike and Tyler come in. After all this happened, I’ll never forget Mike telling me I wasn’t broken and that we were going to squat the house and he encouraged me to set an American record one day. Tyler, one of my mentors and my weightlifting guru, pushed me to pursue PL with everything I had. I remember we both were sitting on the floor during a class we weren’t coaching one day and I was telling him how not weightlifting hurt me mentally and how I felt like PL was a cop out or made me less of an athlete. He said “No dude. You have potential to be the best. Give it all you have.” It’s no secret I admire and respect the two of them and they never made me feel like a cast off. Without my mentors/super heroes giving me positive reinforcement and encouragement, I may have just given up all together.

I qualified for Nationals and toyed with whether or not to go. I kept training because a local meet was the week before Nat’ls. I knew I wouldn’t place or win. But that’s not what competing is about. At least not to me. I wanted the experience and it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Mike and Reagan were expecting so they couldn’t come. Orlando was too long of a drive for most friends. I didn’t want to go alone. But the universe wasn’t having that. The Florida State University PL team, my friend and meet coach Mike Taylor, stepped up and adopted me. Amanda Smithers bought a plane ticket to Orlando and was my 27:17 cheer squad. I wasn’t alone and I was going to go compete in July. 


State Games

Fast forward and I won the MS State Games event in June and had the highest Wilks coefficient lifting 280 SQ- 110 BP- 290 DL. While there I coached 27:17’s own Stephanie Purvis in her first PL meet. I saw a lot of High School Powerlifter Amber in her- Nervous But Fighting Til the End. She didn’t want to know her numbers and I had shielded her from them and the announcer until it was her time to lift. It was the first time I ever competed (with 14 meets under my belt) and knew my numbers for each lift. It solidified my decision to go to Nationals and reinforced that I was doing a job that I loved. The mental confidence was a boost you couldn’t get from just training inside the gym.



290 raw deadlift


280 raw squat

Orlando
I still had nagging pains and in the two weeks preceding Nat’ls I considered not competing. Was my body trying to tell me to stop? Was I mentally drained? A few melt downs (which included me sobbing outside the gym because I was in so much pain and frustrated), a lot of massages (3 to be exact because scapula knots were awful), a shoulder tape job, a visit to chiropractor Clayton Pitts at Norville, a ton of inspirational Attitude Nation videos, many pep talks and mental resolve got me on that plane to Orlando. I had to buy a heating pad and became one with my lax ball and band once I got there too.


 Thanks to Clayton Pitts for the tape job to relieve some pain the last week of training

Eating Disorder Relapse and Weight Class Concerns

During all of this, I had many mental breakdowns over my weight. It's no secret I suffered from exercise bulimia in my past. It came to a head when I was hit by a van on my bicycle in 2008 and fractured my hip and cheekbone…I also got a wicked Terminator eye from busted blood vessels. I still have to battle those inner bulimia demons but I catch it as much as possible and have stopped myself from punishing myself for food with exercise. I was 5 pounds over the weight class I qualified and registered for two days out from competition and had ceased eating. That was not good. I felt weak and had no energy. I knew with my history I would not refuel on meet day and made a decision, after counseling with Mike and Tyler and confirming with the meet director I was allowed to compete in the higher weight class, to eat and bump up to the bigger class. I felt fat. Was I? Absolutely not. I look the best I've looked: healthy. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. But a scale is a dumb number and I needed to PERFORM. We weren't here to win or anything--- just to perform. I needed fuel. So I began to eat again and took the day before the competition relaxing and resting. There was an emergency trip to a masseuse and CVS for a heating pad and Icy Hot for a nasty bunch of knots under my scapula that had been running amuck that week. 

Calm Before the Storm
The night before I mobilized alone on the balcony of the fitness room in the hotel. I focused on breathing and visualizing my lifts and any scenario that might happen (I play lifts out in my head and perform them sometimes in my apartment as if I got stuck and had to fight through to the top. It’s creepy and weird but it gets your head right and ready for anything). I watched Attitude Nation videos and thought about everything I had been through to get this day. 


National Meet  




Meet day came and I was nervous but ready. It was my first national competition and I had no idea what to expect. The room was larger, the warm up area even larger, there was an announcer, and loud music, and refs in suits. I was there to do my best and I stayed calm. I was overwhelmed with all of the support texts the night before and the day of. I had no idea what to do the day of the meet but I met a few friendly faces who took me under their wings. I didn't have a belt (because you couldn't use the velcro belts like 2Pood which is what I would wear but I never trained in a belt either) or shoes for each lift or wrist wraps and Equipment Check seemed to be confused by this. Later I found out why: EVERY ONE ELSE HAD THEM. I just weighed in and went on my merry way.

The warm up room was behind the main stage and it was packed, loud, and full of energy. People were frantically running around squawking at each other but I found a spot on the floor and put my headphones on. Out came my squeezable packets of baby food (I can't stomach much on a meet day), lacrosse ball, band, and Bo the Bear. Bo was propped up on my chair and I know people thought I was crazy. "Look at this girl with a baggy singlet, neon green shoes, no belt, no wrist wraps, no Rehbands eating baby food and hanging out by herself with a teddy bear." As Holly Sills would say, "Haters gonna hate."

I warmed up how I always do and just got ready since I was the first flight of people to lift (my platform had three flights between lifts).

Unfortunately we don't have any pictures or many videos due to camera phone issues.

Squat: I missed my first attempt of 265 because it was too high. Nerves got to me. The IPF likes their squats lower than low. I nailed it the second time around. Third attempt at 281 I got out of the hole and hovered for a while (my quads are still sore from the strain of trying to muster it up) before the head judge called the spotters to take it. I was disappointed since SQ was my money maker but it happens. It's VERY easy to bomb out (miss all 3 attempts of a lift and not be able to continue in the meet) and I didn't. Got myself out of that dark cave and I felt much more at ease. Texting me between lifts the whole time was Coach Mike making me laugh and feeding me advice. He also sent my Attitude Nation Donny Shankle’s Back video when youtube wouldn’t pull it up and I watched that REPEATEDLY. Honestly, it kept me in the meet.


265 raw squat

BP: Historically my worst event was my best at Nat'ls. I BLEW UP 100, 110, and 120.  120 is the most I’ve ever done in a competition (125 is my non-meet PR and that was a while ago). The last meet my shoulder separated and I scratched two attempts. My SH really hurt after warm up but I masked the pain by having my meet coach punch me in my back to take my mind off it. Hey, it worked. I was very very happy with my BP. The easy 120 left me hungry for DL.


100 raw BP


115 raw BP (aka The Amber Alert-- the announcer called me that, Amber Sheppard's Pie, Amber Sherred, Amber Sherrad, and Amanda Sheppard)


120 raw BP

DL: Pulled a slow 275. This meet had Eleiko bars and it took me a bit to find my grip width. Never underestimate a good warm up folks—that was where I got comfortable with the bar. I went for 292.6 and couldn't lift it off the floor. I was upset but I got over it. I got mad. When meet coach Mike Taylor told me to get after it and get mad, I listened to him. When he asked me if I wanted a salt sniff I knew he meant business and so did I (I declined but as you’ll see…I beat myself up to get same effect). I listened to some more Shankle, talked with Mike and the crew (Tyler, Danielle, and Chris), and literally beat the heck out of myself before trying for attempt 3. Thigh, hip, stomach slapping....worse than usual. Busted blood vessel slapping and immediate bruising slapping. I got madder than mad and went out on that platform to lift 292.6. I did lift it. Up to my knees. But the pull wasn't happening. The iron had a lesson to teach me and it said “Amber, not yet. But thanks for trying. Come back to us when you aren’t afraid to lean back. You won’t hitch. We promise. Use that leverage to your advantage.” I had some coaches and lifters backstage remark that I had a fighter spirit and that was a heck of a redemption anyway regardless of whether it garnered 3 white lights.


275 raw deadlift


From slapping immediately after lifting (really not that bad- I do this in training too)

When it was over I went to the hallway, still shaking from adrenaline, and shed a few tears. Not because I was sad. From happiness. I pushed myself to the brink and I did my absolute best. I didn't succeed in my quest for 300 on either lift but it felt like I did. My shoulders didn’t separate and I gave every lift every ounce of energy that I had. I couldn't walk away with my head down. I left with a big smile. And an even bigger appetite.
Aftermath

It's the journey that matters. This training has given me or helped show me how much mental strength I have in me. It gave me the confidence to quit law jobs and follow my heart and my passion: coaching. People think I'm crazy but I love it and I don't see myself doing anything else. Life is too short not to enjoy what you do. 

The day after I got home Chris was working on his cleans at 300# and I got mad at myself because I couldn't pick it up. I tried and it wouldn't budge (for obvious reasons). Then I crouched down at the end of the loaded barbell and thought of my favorite lifting article, "The Iron Never Lies" by Henry Rollins. Well, it doesn't lie. Now is not the time Amber lifts 300#s. There's more growth and lessons in the book to learn. It will come. When it's ready...and when I'm ready. The quest for 300 will continue.

I’ve already reevaluated the season, training, and what happened and have set new goals moving forward with Coach Mike. We’ll be back at Nationals. A little more seasoned, a little less tired, and a lot hungrier. We’ll still be fighting for an American record and look forward to smashing State records along the way. In the end, I just want to do my best. I don’t take kindly to mediocrity.
 

Thank You

I know some may scoff at this because I didn't win anything but this was a huge milestone in my career and it's only the beginning. I want to thank some people who got me here (in one piece):

Coach Michael McElroy

 
I don't know where to start. You're not just a coach---you're also a big brother, a great friend, a mentor, and an amazing athlete. We have a lot of similarities but just enough differences that make us a formidable coach/athlete and boss/employee duo.

You understood my eating disorder and made me carb backload to ensure that I ate and when I slipped on eating when I got upset, you listened and didn't chastise me; it's a tough disorder to understand but you did your best and did all the right things by making me look forward. You took my SH injury seriously and worked around it. Making me stop WODs when you could see something was wrong but I was too scared to say anything. You made me see the doctor.

You bought a Sling Shot and tried different things to alleviate pain. I think the Sling Shot brought more laughter than anything else... (and let's not forget the KB BP and any time we used bands).


You bought new books and studied up on Westside Barbell more. You grew with me and never stopped learning. You trained alongside me. Your commitment and resolve to your workouts and to getting every rep you could out of it made me a better athlete: I wanted to match that will to succeed and I wanted to push you too during our sessions. You always knew what to say and when I needed to hear it. Not once did you make me feel stupid or dumb---even when I couldn't figure out the bands. You got a Power Rack. You never complained about my crazy texts and videos for critiques. You never made fun of me for slapping myself or throwing weights or slapping the GHD machine; you asked why I did it and I overheard you one day talking about it in a good light re: mentality and said you wished you could flip that switch in yourself as quickly as I do. That made me feel like I wasn't a freak (believe me, I know what people say about me and I know some laugh). 

You videoed the Donny Shankle video for me no questions asked the day of my meet when I couldn't get on youtube and I received it in less than 5 minutes. You had faith in me when I didn't have any in myself. We grew together in this PL experiment and we will continue to do so moving forward. I don't want any other coach by my side. 

It takes a lot more than writing a program to make a good coach. A great coach knows their athlete, understands their personality, and can adapt and improvise. You did just that. You forever changed my life as an athlete, as a coach, and as a person. You made it OK for me to be myself and not only understood where I was coming from but also supported me in my decision to coach full time when the decision didn't have many fans. You even supported me when I was scheduled to leave for another position in another state; it was that steadfast support that made me stay. I will never be able to thank you enough for everything you've done for me. 2014 is going to be our year, Boss.

Tyler Smith: 

TPain, if I were tall, explosive, and a man, I'd like to think I would be you. I love learning from you. Our academic nature, mindset, and work ethic are so similar it's scary. Your WL pursuits fueled me and kept me pushing. Sharing war stories and living in the pain cave together made things easier. Again you solidified what I was doing and helped me get to Nat'ls. I was able to confine in you about my ED and you did more than you know to help alleviate stress and make me feel at ease with what I was doing. Promise I'll sleep more next go 'round. You saved me from meltdowns, relapses, and a 225 back squat for reps (you know you remember me busting my tail but thankful you caught it with your catlike reflexes). Looking forward to you being back at 27:17 and you dangling me from my scapula. I admire and respect you to no end & I don't say that often. But seriously…it’s not the shoes.

Chris Haynes: 

Chrissy. What can I say. You are the most annoying brother ever. We yell more than anything else and ruffle each other's feathers like nobody's business. Pretty sure our phones are on a constant state of CAPSLOCK. Helping you through the Open this year and seeing you grow competitively fueled me. Being a newbie at Nat'ls and feeling those feelings again will help me help you moving forward. You made me laugh when I wanted to punch a wall training and held a mirror up to me. Your energy fueled me on days I had none. I love helping you on your lifts and when you ask for help, I appreciate it. We argue and fight over the advice and I send you videos emphasizing pulls and we make up. You push me as a coach, an athlete, and as friend. Thank you bro. LBEB and Attitude Nation Salute. 

Emily Moore: 

The yin to Chris’ yang, Emily was my quiet encourager. She has the sweetest soul I’ve ever met and when she said she knew I could do something, I believed her. She kept me sane and made me laugh with our Bo the Bear antics and constant puns. She has come a long way on her CrossFit journey and I’m thankful every day she’s a part of my life. She’s one of the best friends you could ever ask for. Thanks EmCat.

Members at 27:17: 


I could write a thank you for every single member and truly mean it. Just know that collectively and individually you guys are the reason I wake up and do this day in and day out. I don’t want to coach or be around anyone else more than you guys. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Every day I would come in and train and sometimes it took all I had to keep moving. Knowing you were watching and looking up to me kept me moving. Coaching you afterwards and seeing your tenacity gave me more energy and drive than anything else. Win or lose, you guys were always rooting me on for every meet. Amanda Smithers went to my first and last meet of the season; I know the meets are boring but you never complained. Stephanie Purvis always asked about my training and the day I was to leave for Orlando she gave me a comforting pat on the back when I was just standing around before my next movement and nodded her head at me before I left as to say “Go get em”; that relaxed me and I wanted to make her proud. Ashley and Billy inspired me every day to be patient and focused; their hard work over the last year in their own training is truly amazing and awe inspiring.

Natalie Axley: 



Nat has been my constant cheerleader and my PL sister in arms since we met at Brother Bennett meet in February. We've trained together, freaked out together, and calmed the other one down more times than I can count. Without her giving me a reality check or a confidence booster two days before I left for Orlando, I'm not sure what would have happened. Unfortunately we don't have any pics together!!


Julie Hudson: 





My only non gym friend to warrant an exclusive shout out and THREE pictures. My law best friend and 2nd Lt in the Army was with me through thick and thin. She came to my first meet back in February (3 hours away) and always asked about how my sessions went and watched videos of lifts that I know weren't interesting to her. She listened to me and made me laugh. She encouraged me to wear tutus and have themes for our 5K excursions. The week of the meet she sent me some really kind and thoughtful messages. All the while studying for the hardest exam of her life: the bar exam. GANDAKE JULES!!!!

Bo the Bear: 





Not a real person but that stuffed bear was my piece of home and my heart. He started off as a joke with Emily but he somehow turned into my physical reminder of 27:17. People laughed at him on our travels. He went to every meet I had. Even if I was in the dark pain cave, looking at him made me laugh and remember why I was there. Make fun of him and me if you must, but Bo isn’t going anywhere. Think of him the year-long gym Elf on the Shelf.

Coach Lachney and the PJP PL team: 

You started me on this journey 11 years ago. You believed in me unconditionally and gave me a home those many years ago. You taught me work ethics, drive, and compassion. You taught me heart matters more than numbers and all you can do is your best. We stayed in constant communication and you critiqued my lifts and encouraged me. Kelsey Brock you were my hero in high school and you were still my hero when I started this road back to PL; you believing in me meant so much. Thanks also to Richard Trowbridge and Chase Favre for their advice and support.

Mike Taylor and Team Unconquered/FSU


Thank you for taking me in and making me part of your family at Nationals. Mikey you are an angel and I respect and admire your drive at such a young age. Keep pushing forward and we’ll both be competing at Nationals and Arnold soon. Maybe you can punch me again.

All the gyms I visited during the last 7 months when I was away: 


CrossFit Launch (Tony Garcia/Sarah Lyons always make me feel like a boss and have supported me like one of their own), DogTown CrossFit

Danielle Hudes: 


My New Jersey Swolemate. I can’t even write a proper thank you for you but you know exactly what you did. I couldn’t leave you off the list.

Jon North/Attitude Nation: 



He may not be someone in my every day life physically but I watched his videos or read his blogs daily. The days I needed a training partner, I would watch him before I left the house, at the gym, during a set. It might be ironic since I can’t snatch anymore but I still love it and everything AN stands for. Jon North is my spirit animal and stands for so much in my life in many different aspects. If you have talked to me for more than 20 minutes, I’m sure you’ve picked up on that. His passion, his drive, his heart, his humor, his American Record dream….all mimic my own journey. His signed poster hangs on my wall and serves as a constant reminder to keep pushing and following my heart: “Always stay a gym rat Amber.” You got it, Jon.

It also didn't hurt that my hero commented on facebook the day before (good omen!). It was just an extra boost in the tank for meet day.



This video:  


Attitude Nation/Shankle Is Back

Some people have psych up songs…I have a video. Watched the week leading up to and the day of Nationals. If this doesn’t give you chills, I don’t know what will.

 Dr. Fong, Massage Envy, and Clayton Pitts:

Ya’ll kept my body from falling apart. I thank you as I’m sure you’ll thank me this off season when I’m living in your office.

Compete

Gym PRs are not meet PRs. There is nothing like standing on a platform at a meet...any kind of meet. Nothing. I did not win at Nationals. I did not medal. I did not break a record. But I did my absolute best. I competed. I dug deep down inside my core and I fought, scratched, and beat my inner demons. When people rattle off excuses like "I'm not good enough" or "I don't have time"...well, I don't accept that. I have a jacked up shoulder, tons of law school debt and I'm working as coach and trainer with two jobs not looking at paying off those anytime in the distant future but doing what I love and what I live for. I made sacrifices to pay for my travel and I spent my time at the gym working hard. All just so I could compete. If I can do, you can do it. And you should do it. Take a chance on yourself and learn from the journey. COMPETE.

I may not be the best lifter or the best coach but my passion and my heart seep through everything that I do. You can’t buy that. You can’t teach that. And no one can take that away. Here’s to taking a short break, working on some technical tweaks, and coming back wiser and hungrier than before.