Henry Rollins Taught Me To Accept My Body

Henry Rollins, the legendary front man for Black Flag and the man you see quoted by every aspiring fitness model or bodybuilder known to man, taught me how to accept by body for what it is right now today.

This Henry Rollins? Really?

Real-time image of your faces right now

"Amber when did you meet Henry Rollins?"
In my metaphorical dreams.

"Iron & The Soul"

Many, many, many moons ago 13 year old Amber sent off for Henry Rollins' autograph after she read "Iron & The Soul", an article written by Rollins. He actually sent her a signed postcard.

19 year old Amber's dorm room had "Iron & The Soul" taped to her door. She read it every day.

23 year old Amber had it taped on her apartment door in law school. She would stand there and read particular paragraphs every day; by this time she knew it near verbatim. Certain paragraphs for certain moods of the day.

There was motivation. There was sadness. There was love and heartbreak. Rollins is much deeper than the filtered or photoshopped Instagram posts give him credit for. I don't think they've seen this quote from him though: "If you are working out for cosmetic reasons, you are not in the gym to push yourself, you’re putting on make-up but it’s muscle. It’s an entirely different ethic. You see it in city gyms, some of these people train for a social scene. That’s for them to do but it is what it is and it’s not for me."

26 year old Amber has a copy folded up in a side pocket of her purse. I've memorized passages that my heart needs from time to time. "Iron never lies", "Most injuries are the result of ego", the relationship passage.

Where do you think I got the idea for the name of this blog? Iron Lessons? That's a personal throwback to an article that's been with me as long as I've been involved with strength sports.
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Even Rollins & Danzig read

Rollins In An Unlikely Place

What made today different was that I heard Rollins' name and quotation pop up in what has become my home away from the platform: yoga.

I heard my instructor say "I'd like to read you a quote from Henry Rollins to end class today.

'Muscle mass does not always equal strength. Strength is kindness and sensitivity. Strength is understanding that your power is both physical and emotional. That it comes from the body and the mind. And the heart.' 

Namaste." That was the closest I have ever come to repeating Namaste back at any instructor.

This is the "yes" I wanted to yell when I heard his quotation read aloud

I'm well versed in the Rollins universe and playbook. He's pretty much one of my favorite philosophers. Before you fall off your high horse reading Aristotle or Descartes, go read or listen to some of his work. I don't subscribe to all of it but his 1994+ stuff is really worth delving into. He created his own publishing company in the 1980s and has written copious amounts of essays and novels. Check out his essays, photography, Get In The Van & The Portable Henry Rollins.

 

 Philosopher Rollins

 Iron Lesson

I've read that passage that was read to me today  umpteen times by now but it wasn't until I heard it in an unlikely place and at a time when I was ready to hear it that I understood it.

I'm not the size I was this time last year. I don't have a flat stomach. My quads aren't as defined. My old jeans don't fit. My face isn't as slim. I'm nowhere close to my old weight class.

But, my mental sanity is much better. I don't obsess over my plate (as much; it's a work in progress. A very, very slow one). My numbers with regards to the barbell have improved. I can do arm balances and all kinds of poses I never thought possible: at a higher body weight.

Growing up in weight classes I never felt strong even when I was. Why? Because some girls 3 weight classes below me could smoke me out the water. I never wanted to tell my numbers because I felt like people would think "Well if Lightweight A and Heavyweight B lift the same weight then Lightweight A is stronger." We have formulas for that; I just always felt that lighter was better. Being heavier just meant everyone expected you to be able to do something. A huge pet peeve is when people would belittle a weak lift of mine (coughbenchpresscough) and say "Oh that's it?" That really does wonder for the self esteem. Check out some older blogs about that jibberish.

I wouldn't say I'm at the point now where I don't care about my size or if I lost weight. I won't lie to you and say I don't care at all. Sometimes I still find myself comparing myself to others; most importantly to my OLD SELF. And yes: sometimes I wish I had smaller hips, no cellulite, and a six pack. I've never been naturally small. When I was it was because I was sick and not eating. That's no way to live. But my avoidance of mirrors and reflections has lessened. If I put on a shirt, it has to stay on even after a mirror check. Anything that makes me feel uncomfortable for whatever reason goes in a bin for charity.

But this back injury and the journey coming back from it taught me a lot. I am very strong in mind, body and spirit. I could have quit. But I didn't. I decided to share my journey and be transparent on this blog and with all of my clients. Secrets don't win favors with EDs.

I poured my entire heart and soul into a cause I believed in with every fiber that I possessed; into a cause that many people didn't understand at first. But I stuck it out and stood firm in my belief in myself (and my business partner). When everyone else was telling me to go sit in an office and "just take the bar and make lots of money." I stuck with my passion and nurtured it. Not many people can say that.

Rollins' "Letter To A Young American" (especially around 2:05)

At the end of the day I've realized that how my body looks is not the most important thing in the world. I actually believe this now and the words aren't some kind of mantra or lie I tell myself to accept my own image.

During this journey I've met some of the best coaches and athletes in their fields and you know what? They all came in different shapes, sizes, and abilities. But their energy and love for their sport surpassed any physical representations of themselves. You could feel their light and their passion immediately.

I knew this all along but it just took another Rollins' quote to pull my head out of my own butt and not only see that but to actually believe it.

So I'll leave you with one more Rollins quote that I think encapsulates this entire journey:

“I definitely learned a lesson this time. I know that I can be broken. I am not as tough as I thought. I see it now. At this point, it's the only thing good that came out of all of this. I know myself better now and know what I have to do.” 

Namaste