Saturday, July 5, 2014

Henry Rollins Taught Me To Accept My Body

Henry Rollins, the legendary front man for Black Flag and the man you see quoted by every aspiring fitness model or bodybuilder known to man, taught me how to accept by body for what it is right now today.

This Henry Rollins? Really?



Real-time image of your faces right now


"Amber when did you meet Henry Rollins?"
In my metaphorical dreams.


"Iron & The Soul"

Many, many, many moons ago 13 year old Amber sent off for Henry Rollins' autograph after she read "Iron & The Soul", an article written by Rollins. He actually sent her a signed postcard.


19 year old Amber's dorm room had "Iron & The Soul" taped to her door. She read it every day.

23 year old Amber had it taped on her apartment door in law school. She would stand there and read particular paragraphs every day; by this time she knew it near verbatim. Certain paragraphs for certain moods of the day.

There was motivation. There was sadness. There was love and heartbreak. Rollins is much deeper than the filtered or photoshopped Instagram posts give him credit for. I don't think they've seen this quote from him though: "If you are working out for cosmetic reasons, you are not in the gym to push yourself, you’re putting on make-up but it’s muscle. It’s an entirely different ethic. You see it in city gyms, some of these people train for a social scene. That’s for them to do but it is what it is and it’s not for me."

26 year old Amber has a copy folded up in a side pocket of her purse. I've memorized passages that my heart needs from time to time. "Iron never lies", "Most injuries are the result of ego", the relationship passage.

Where do you think I got the idea for the name of this blog? Iron Lessons? That's a personal throwback to an article that's been with me as long as I've been involved with strength sports.
.

Even Rollins & Danzig read


Rollins In An Unlikely Place

What made today different was that I heard Rollins' name and quotation pop up in what has become my home away from the platform: yoga.


I heard my instructor say "I'd like to read you a quote from Henry Rollins to end class today.

'Muscle mass does not always equal strength. Strength is kindness and sensitivity. Strength is understanding that your power is both physical and emotional. That it comes from the body and the mind. And the heart.' 

Namaste." That was the closest I have ever come to repeating Namaste back at any instructor.



This is the "yes" I wanted to yell when I heard his quotation read aloud
I'm well versed in the Rollins universe and playbook. He's pretty much one of my favorite philosophers. Before you fall off your high horse reading Aristotle or Descartes, go read or listen to some of his work. I don't subscribe to all of it but his 1994+ stuff is really worth delving into. He created his own publishing company in the 1980s and has written copious amounts of essays and novels. Check out his essays, photography, Get In The Van & The Portable Henry Rollins.
 

 Philosopher Rollins



 Iron Lesson
I've read that passage that was read to me today  umpteen times by now but it wasn't until I heard it in an unlikely place and at a time when I was ready to hear it that I understood it.

I'm not the size I was this time last year. I don't have a flat stomach. My quads aren't as defined. My old jeans don't fit. My face isn't as slim. I'm nowhere close to my old weight class.

But, my mental sanity is much better. I don't obsess over my plate (as much; it's a work in progress. A very, very slow one). My numbers with regards to the barbell have improved. I can do arm balances and all kinds of poses I never thought possible: at a higher body weight.

Growing up in weight classes I never felt strong even when I was. Why? Because some girls 3 weight classes below me could smoke me out the water. I never wanted to tell my numbers because I felt like people would think "Well if Lightweight A and Heavyweight B lift the same weight then Lightweight A is stronger." We have formulas for that; I just always felt that lighter was better. Being heavier just meant everyone expected you to be able to do something. A huge pet peeve is when people would belittle a weak lift of mine (coughbenchpresscough) and say "Oh that's it?" That really does wonder for the self esteem. Check out some older blogs about that jibberish.

I wouldn't say I'm at the point now where I don't care about my size or if I lost weight. I won't lie to you and say I don't care at all. Sometimes I still find myself comparing myself to others; most importantly to my OLD SELF. And yes: sometimes I wish I had smaller hips, no cellulite, and a six pack. I've never been naturally small. When I was it was because I was sick and not eating. That's no way to live. But my avoidance of mirrors and reflections has lessened. If I put on a shirt, it has to stay on even after a mirror check. Anything that makes me feel uncomfortable for whatever reason goes in a bin for charity.

But this back injury and the journey coming back from it taught me a lot. I am very strong in mind, body and spirit. I could have quit. But I didn't. I decided to share my journey and be transparent on this blog and with all of my clients. Secrets don't win favors with EDs.

I poured my entire heart and soul into a cause I believed in with every fiber that I possessed; into a cause that many people didn't understand at first. But I stuck it out and stood firm in my belief in myself (and my business partner). When everyone else was telling me to go sit in an office and "just take the bar and make lots of money." I stuck with my passion and nurtured it. Not many people can say that.


Rollins' "Letter To A Young American" (especially around 2:05)

At the end of the day I've realized that how my body looks is not the most important thing in the world. I actually believe this now and the words aren't some kind of mantra or lie I tell myself to accept my own image.

During this journey I've met some of the best coaches and athletes in their fields and you know what? They all came in different shapes, sizes, and abilities. But their energy and love for their sport surpassed any physical representations of themselves. You could feel their light and their passion immediately.

I knew this all along but it just took another Rollins' quote to pull my head out of my own butt and not only see that but to actually believe it.

So I'll leave you with one more Rollins quote that I think encapsulates this entire journey:

“I definitely learned a lesson this time. I know that I can be broken. I am not as tough as I thought. I see it now. At this point, it's the only thing good that came out of all of this. I know myself better now and know what I have to do.” 

Namaste



Thursday, June 26, 2014

Athletes and Eating Disorders

Eating Disorders don't get talked about much. If they do, it's usually not talked about in conjunction with sports. If it is, then it's usually a really over the top dramatic Lifetime movie. But EDs are prevalent in sports; especially the ones with weight classes, weight requirements or endurance.

Prevention & Intervention

Not all EDs happen on a TV screen, to the girl your cousin's fourth grade childhood babysitter's dad knew, or to professional athletes in places far away. They can happen to anyone and you probably know someone suffering from it.

Last week I had a peer approach me who had concerns their athlete was suffering from an eating disorder. This coach wasn't sure if they should address the issue and if they did, they weren't sure how to handle it. I asked a few questions, gave my opinion and directed them to the National Eating Disorders Association coach's handbook which can be found here.  


Luckily, early interventions like this can stop an eating disorder from progressing and help save an athlete's life.  I saw a quote while researching for this blog post that said "This is labeled a rich girl's disease. All young women are susceptible, but only a few people can afford the treatment that is needed." While insurance companies can make seeking treatment seem difficult, that doesn't mean all avenues are completely closed for treatment. That is why education is absolutely critical. If we can educate coaches and parents about these disorders and catch the symptoms early on and take them seriously, then men and women can have an opportunity to live full and happy lives.


Misconceptions


Aside from thinking eating disorders can't happen close to home, there are many misconceptions about the disease that I've encountered in my time in the fitness industry. I thought I'd take this time to address a few misconceptions and arm fellow coaches, trainers, and administrators with some resources to check out should they ever think an athlete suffers from an ED.

I'm hesitant to put any pictures with this piece due to the pre-existing misconceptions of what EDs look like: they come in all shapes and sizes from small to average to large. As you read this post, make sure you arm yourself with signs to look for that aren't just related to weight.


To Have An Eating Disorder, The Person Has To Be Scary Thin

Nope. While the media has a tendency to latch onto anorexia, eating disorders come in many different forms. They all resolve around body weight or body image being the individual's source of self esteem or happiness. The mentality behind it is what makes these disorders hard to spot or diagnosis. There are ways to monitor and spot them in your athletes. Below are some classifications of the disorders and how to spot them:

Anorexia is a serious, potentially life-threatening eating disorder characterized by self-starvation and excessive weight loss. It can be done through restriction and purging through exercise or laxatives and dierutics. Individuals suffering from it have an intense fear of gaining weight, have ritualistic eating habits (will only eat certain foods, eat off a certain plate, etc), constantly talk about or prepare food but do not eat it, and are generally withdrawn from friends or make excuses not to go out in public. This is common with gymnasts, rowers, and cyclists. The athlete will not be able to sustain their training and typically you will find they are constantly tired, fatigued during workouts, and their performance suffers drastically due to lack of nutrients. Health risks associated with anorexia include: heart complications, detrimental low heart rate and blood pressure, osteoporosis, kidney and organ failure, fainting, muscle loss or weakness, and dry hair and skin.

Bulimia is the most common ED among athletes and most individuals suffering from it appear to be average weight. Accoding to NEDA, it "is a serious, potentially life-threatening eating disorder characterized by a cycle of bingeing and compensatory behaviors such as self-induced vomiting designed to undo or compensate for the effects of binge eating." A common purge tactic in athletes is laxatives, diuretics, and exercise. It's important to closely monitor your athletes training and behaviors because bulimia recovery is successful with early interventions. Check out diver Shaye Boddington's story about how bulimia ended her Olympic Dream but how recovery saved her life.

Individuals suffering from bulimia will find every excuse to continue to workout despite injury, weather, illness, or chronic fatigue. Their self esteem is predicated on their athletic performance. Some outward signs of bulimia include mood swings, frequent trips to the bathroom post meals or eating very little at meals with others only to continue to gorge in private, swollen cheeks or jaw areas, and calluses on knuckles. The biggest issue with bulimia is the individual's sense of guilt after eating and when eating they may seclude themselves, eat large quantities of food, and hide the wrappers. Individuals that constantly talk about diets, clean eating, and cheat days should be monitored...especially on days after they have had a "cheat day". Health risks associated with bulimia include: digestive system irregularities, heart conditions, electrolyte imbalances, enamel erosion of teeth, bone density loss, and chronic irregular bowel movements due to laxatives.

Binge Eating Disorder is "characterized by recurrent binge eating without the regular use of compensatory measures to counter the binge eating." (NEDA). Again, these disorders stem from feelings of depression and other psychological issues and the key word here is that they occur frequently. These individuals are of normal or slightly heavier weight.They suffer from the same binge eating symptoms as bulimics but without the purging. They still suffer from intense guilt and shame during and/or after their binge and are unable to control the binges. Health risks are similar to those associated with obesity: diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure and cholesterol, gallbladder disease, and musculoskeletal problems.

Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS or Other Specified Eating Disorders): atypical anorexia and bulimia where the body weight may not yet be at the point of an official diagnosis but the mentality and other symptoms are there, less frequent binge eating disorder episodes, purging disorder where binging is not involved, and night eating syndrome.  If something doesn't sit well with you about your athlete, they can still be seen by a professional to ensure their symptoms do not develop into one of the DSM-V categories (listed previously).

Disordered Eating and Feeding: Unhealthy relationships with food don't always occur in the same manner as the big three (anorexia, bulimia, binge eating). Something I've seen a lot is Rumination Disorder, where someone will chew food but spit it out, and Avoidant Food/Restrictive Disorder where people will avoid food due to fear of vomiting or dislike of the texture. A lesser known disorder is the eating of non-food items like ice, paper, hair, or other objects known as pica.

Muscle Dysmorphia: these individuals look healthy to others. The battle lies within their minds as they feel like they need to gain more muscle mass. This is common in body builders and males. The easiest way to understand this disorder is to think of it as "reverse anorexia". According to NEDA, "compulsions include spending hours in the gym, squandering excessive amounts of money on ineffectual sports supplements, abnormal eating patterns or even substance abuse." Learn more here


Eating Disorders Only Affect Women

While it may appear more women suffer from EDs, men don't escape the disease's grasp. NEDA estimated that 33% of male athletes in aesthetic sports (bodybuilding, gymnastics, swimming) and weight-class sports (jockeys, wrestling, rowing) are affected by eating disorders. 10% of those with an ED are male. It appears males and females are equally affected by binge eating disorder (NEDA toolkit); many male EDs go unreported and there have not been as many male studies as there have been female studies.

Body builders, wrestlers, jockeys, skiers, rowers and even football players aren't immune from EDs. Lafitt Pincay was at the top of jockey rankings 7 times during his career but suffered from anorexia. 69% of jockeys surveyed admitted to skipping at least one meal a day, using hot box saunas regularly, and cocaine/amphetamine use to lose weight. Stefan Lund and Christian Moser, both ski-jumpers, had their careers end early due to their EDs. Since then the International Ski Federation enacted a rule that ties maximum ski length to a jumper’s relative height and body weight.  

Newsweek reported that 40% of Cornell University football players surveyed engaged in binging and purging (a symptom of bulimia). It's also common in male athletes who transition from one sport season to another (example going from football and dropping weight for wrestling, swimming, or powerlifting). Running in sweatsuits before competitions to make weight can have a psychological toll on athletes which can carry over into their daily lives when they get stressed.

Body builders have been known to take steroids which can lead to or exacerbate "muscle dysmorphia": a condition where the individual becomes preoccupied with muscle mass and growth to the detriment of their health. Conversely some males who take steroids to enhance their athletic performance may eat more and then try to control their weight by increasing their athletic output, a sign of disordered eating and exercise bulimia.

For more information please check out: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/research-males-and-eating-disorders and http://www.sportsnutritionworkshop.com/Files/27.SPNT.pdf

It's The Sports' Fault

No it isn't. But it is important to note that "athletic competition can create psychological and physical stresses that can increase the risk of athletes developing eating issues, whether or not the sport is an aesthetic or weight-class one." (NEDA tool kit). Athletes from subjective (gymnastics, diving) to objective sports (football, lacrosse) can have an eating disorder. While it may seem more prevalent in athletes that compete in weight classes or with weight restrictions, muscle dysmporphia or bulimia is prevalent in football players, lacrosse and soccer players, and even body builders.

But at the end of the day, eating disorders are mental diseases and should be treated as such. There is generally a psychological, social, or relational pre-existing condition before the individual even begins to play their sport (ex: low self esteem, physical or sexual abuse). Sometimes the sport is being used as an outlet for other stressors and if the individual is triggered, then they are more likely to use that sport excessively. This is why it's important to know your athlete as an individual and to make sure you know about outside stressors so you can be on the look out. A lifetime of physical health and happiness is more important than a performance victory; give your athletes decreased training loads or a break if you suspect they are stressed and using the physical activity to their detriment. More information can be found here

As you read this post, remember that I'm not against weight classes or sports at all; I love and support athletics. This issue with all of these disorders lies within the athlete's psyche and brain due to some underlying issue. This post is meant to serve as a guide for coaches. Some things deemed dangerous with certain sports, such as hot box saunas, are absolutely fine so long as athletes are monitored. 



Eating Disorders Only Affect Teens and Young Adults

While there have been no clinical studies on older females, the presence of an ED does not diminish with age.
"An online survey as part of the Gender and Body Image Study (GABI), published in the International Journal of Eating Disorders, found that there is no age limitation to disordered eating. The survey found eating disorder symptoms in 13% of women 50 and above over the past five years, with over 70% reporting they were attempting to lose weight. The study found that 62% of women felt their weight or shape had a negative impact on their life." Those numbers mirror the statistics in younger populations.

Many times untreated disorders carry over into middle age or older populations. When the stress of a family life, marriage problems, career changes, menopause, and the prevalence of plastic surgery combine, EDs can reemerge or develop. Many females interviewed were hesitant to admit they suffered from an ED or one of the EDNOS because they felt that was something younger women had and that they should have grown out of it. With the onset of menopause, the loss of the menses is not noticed so it can be harder for some doctor's to spot. Some women resort to strict calorie counting or bulimia while others constantly fluctuate from one diet to another wreaking havoc on their metabolism. To read about a forty year old's bulimia recovery story please read this article and to read one 50+ woman's ED journey read this article.

It's important to monitor older athlete's behaviors because the health risks associated with the disorders are even greater.  Older populations have a harder time coming back from ED complications and their bodies are less resilient; there are "greater numbers of gastrointestinal, cardiac, bone and even dental effects of eating disorders as women mature." For more information please visit Danielle Gagne, Ann Von Holle, Kimberly Brownley, Cristin Runfola, Sara Hofmeier, Kateland Branch, Cynthia Bulik, Eating Disorder Symptoms and Weight and Shape Concerns in a Large Web-Based Convenience Sample of Women Ages 50 and Above: Results of the Gender and Body Image Study (GABI), International Journal of Eating Disorders, Wiley-Blackwell, DOI: 10.1001/eat.2201 and this AARP article 



Missing Periods Is Normal In Athletes

It's not. It can be a sign of exercise induced amenorrhea: menstrual dysfunction for 3 or more months which mean it is completely absent or irregular. Occasionally it is accompanied by stress fractures and low to low-normal bodyweight. Amenorrhea can lead to irreversible bone density loss and and is caused by the body being under too much stress: from excessive training, under recovering and failure to take in enough nutrients. Deficiencies in calcium and vitamin D are prevalent and if the condition is left untreated could result in an inability to have children. The National Collegiate Athletics Association surveyed over 2,800 coaches about EDs in 2003. Only 19% of male coaches and 26% of female coaches knew about it.

This isn't exactly a subject a male coaches want to approach with female athletes. I suggest a team doctor or same gendered trusted confident regularly ask female athletes about their cycles. That will open the door for discussion. If an athlete misses periods, and is not pregnant or suffering from a pituitary condition, they can do a few things to try to get their cycle back: (1) Decrease training volume 10-15%, (2) Increase calories 10-15%, (3) Increase calcium, (4) See a doctor and nutritionist. In addition to meeting with a nutritionist, x-rays and bone scans to measure bone density and check for stress fractures should be performed and maintained regularly.

For more information please check out: Warren MP, Chua AT., Exercise-induced Amenorrhea and Bone Health in the Adolescent Athlete. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 2008 and http://www.olympic.org/hbi.



Living Off Stimulants Is Ok

Caffeine. Most athletes drink it pre-workout. It's not uncommon to see energy drinks or Starbucks cups near a training facility or practice. That's not a problem. It is a problem when that athlete hasn't eaten much that day and is regularly using the stimulant because of that. Excessive caffeine consumption in athletes needs to be monitored for a host of reasons. Caffeine can act as a dieuretic and helps disordered people feel "full". Excessive amounts can lead to increased heart risks especially in a population whose side effects of their ED includes heart complications. Part of recovery and treatment programs have provisions to ween patients off of caffeine due to it's harmful effects to their bodies and psyche. Compounds in caffeinated products can inhibit absorption of calcium, B12, iron, magnesium and a host of other important vitamins and minerals. Source ,
Holly Pohler, Caffeine Intoxication and Addiction, The Journal for Nurse Practitioners, Volume 6, Issue 1, January 2010, Pages 49-52, ISSN 1555-4155, http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.nurpra.2009.08.019. (http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1555415509004991), and Striegel-Moore, R. H., Franko, D. L., Thompson, D., Barton, B., Schreiber, G. B. and Daniels, S. R. (2006), Caffeine intake in eating disorders. Int. J. Eat. Disord., 39: 162–165. doi: 10.1002/eat.20216



Someone Else Will Talk About It

Tell that to the 10% of ED people who have died from their disease's complications. That statistic makes EDs one of the leading causes of mental illness deaths. In 2005, 20 year old college runner Alex DeVinny passed away from a heart attack due to starvation. Her story can be found here.  Gold medalist rower Bahne Rabe and gymnasts Helga Brathen and Christy Henrich  died  from anorexia complications.

EDs are not something you can pass the buck on. Silence destroys lives. If you even have an inkling that an athlete may suffer from a disorder, speak up. These diseases love secrets and isolation. The more dialogue you engage your athlete in, the less room the disorder has to hide.

As a coach, you are in a position of great power and influence over your athletes. When coaching athletes focus not on weight but on performance. Do not reward unhealthy behavior such as diuretics, under or over-eating, malnutrition, lack of sleep, or substance abuse among other things. Be cognizant of your words and behaviors about body image and weight around the team. If your sport requires weigh-ins like wrestling, power lifting, or weightlifting, do regular weigh-ins to monitor athlete health and do so in an open and friendly environment. Never make any kind of comment about your athlete's size; if you want an athlete to move up or down a weight class, please consult a trained professional on whether this is feasible, how to do it, and what to say/not to say to your athlete.

Do not berate your athlete if you suspect they have an ED or if they tell you they are seeking treatment for one.  Approach a nutritionist or professional with any questions you have before talking to the athlete to ensure you handle the situation tactfully. Take them aside, not in front of others, and tell them your concerns. If they insist they don't have a disorder, simply tell them you hope not but the only way for everyone to be sure is to undergo an examination and some test by a healthcare professional. If you have cause for alarm, then usually something is not right and needs to be addressed.

No game or match is more important than your athlete's health. If they refuse to seek or comply with treatment, consider taking them out of the game, practice, or match until they comply; reiterate you are doing it for their safety and that you want them healthy and back to performing with the team. If they have to sit out for a while during treatment, and if allowed by their professional team, give them an assistant coach role so they are included and still able to help without feeling stigmatized. You create the environment your team lives in.


Resources


There are local resources you as a coach or administrator can turn to for guidance:

National Eating Disorders Association is a great resource for help and guidance. Visit their website here
Call their toll free, confidential hotline Monday- Thursday between 9:00 am and 9:00 pm and Friday between 9:00 am-5:00 pm at  1-800-931-2237 and have a  "Click To Chat" free service on their website

Counselors, nutritionists,and therapists: In addition to guidance counselors and services provided by schools and universities, a list of therapist can be found here http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?state=MS&spec=9

Mississippi treatment centers:

Pine Grove Behavioral Health and Addiction Services
2255 Broadway Drive
Hattiesburg, MS 39402
www.pinegrovetreatment.com

A Bridge To Recovery
361 Towne Center Blvd
Suite 1300
Ridgeland, MS 39157
www.abridgetorecovery.com

COPAC, Inc.
3949 Highway 43 North
Brandon, MS 39047
www.copacms.com

Famous Athletes Who Battled EDs

Fortunately with proper intervention and guidance athletes have been able to overcome their disorders. Cathy Rigby, the first American female to win a World Gymnastics medal, and 9 time gold medalist Nadia Comaneci had bulimia but have since become staunch advocators for reforms in their sport.

Nadia Comaneci

CrossFit Games competitor Talayna Fortunato suffered from bulimia and disordered thoughts but has since gone on to advocate against it and is a multi-time Games competitor.

Fortunato's before and after

Mia St. John, a Lightweight Champion of the World boxer and mixed martial artist, overcame a battle with anorexia.



Ice skater Jamie Silverstein suffered silently with anorexia for 5 years before seeking treatment. She sat out for a while but eventually came back to compete in the Olympics and is now known as the Grinning Yogi at her yoga studio.



Iron Lesson

This is a topic that is absolutely near and dear to my heart.

 I first battled with it as a youth but fortunately I had a coach who did all of these things. All the girls always wanted to be at the bottom of their weight class and we could only have a max number of lifters and 2 max per weight class. I remember before one meet I was severely under my weight class (we were monitored often) and he asked me how everything was going; every day after that he always made a trip to my lunch table and looking back it was make sure I was eating. Told you coaches can be tactful. It was made very clear that not eating and diuretics were simply unacceptable; we had a duty to report to Coach if we knew any of our team mates were doing that. I recall a very prominent lifter was hospitalized before our Regional powerlifting meet and he refused to let her lift for health reasons. I remember seeing people on other teams running around to sweat weight off, some trying to water load before weigh ins, others trying to maneuver locks or weights in areas they don't belong (that was illegal and no one ever actually succeeded from what I saw). Things you don't realize aren't normal when you grow up in the sport. I've previously written about how it took me years to realize how strong I was was not equated with my self worth (Strong Is Not The New Skinny).

I've worked with many athletes and I've stepped in a few times when I saw the inklings of ED behaviors. I called parents and took necessary precautions. My personal stance on weight classes is that every individual is different. Some athletes I have can fluctuate in weight safely and without issue. Others can't. I don't push or emphasize weight classes; I want my athletes healthy and if they cut, then they are going to do it safely. I get my cutting athletes weighed in first and immediately after, I am handing them food and drinks to rehydrate. They get annoyed sometimes but they perform well and it's necessary.

As a coach, you have a responsibility to your athlete. Don't let them become a statistic.

Contact Information
Facebook.com/amber.sheppardc
Instagram @amber_mswlc
Msbarbell.com
Email: amber.sheppardc@gmail.com

Monday, June 23, 2014

Bucket Lists

Bucket lists are little time capsules of your dreams. I've made two in twenty six years. 19 year old Amber and 26 year old Amber have some core similarities. Example: fitness and dressing up dogs. But they also have very different outlooks on what is important in life. Let's examine them for a good laugh and an existential crisis.

The Joker & God's Bucket List



19 Year Old Amber's Bucket List



Let's get a feel for 19 year old Amber. She was a sophmore in college and in her first serious relationship (hence "kiss in the rain"...HOW IS THAT BUCKET LIST WORTHY AMBER? Keep it in your pants). She had just started her fitness revolution and started loosing weight. 



More like she was obsessed with it. She wanted a 6 pack and to be a goal weight. I welcome you to the beginning of her exercise bulimia. 


But it wasn't all bad. There were some positives: she learned to swim, completed the first of many triathlons, ran some races and did personal training which is the core of 26 year old Amber. Some things aren't marked off but she eventually sang karaoke and played paintball.

26 Year Old Amber's Bucket List





We all know who 26 year old Amber is. Law grad, weightlifting coach, dresser of dogs in clothes. I made this list last year and have already reached some goals. 



Note the stark difference in the bucket lists: this one is career focused and anything body related has to do with performance. Some people may think it's too career focused but my career just so happens to be my passion...and my life at this point. 




We'll see what 32 year old Amber has to say about. I'm sure she'll be typing that blog post from her Dalmatian Plantation of a home and it'll include a picture of a dog in glasses.



Iron Lesson? Write down your goals and go after them. Nothing is too big or too small. They can be barbell related, fitness related, relationship related, career related, it doesn't matter! After all, my "Run a 5K" in 2007 somehow turned into "Build a weightlifting empire" in 2013. You never know where the universe is going to take you. You just have to give it a little push.




Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Cleaning Out My Closet

Insert your own witty Eminem reference here

Eminem can be a harsh critic

Workout clothes are a staple in my life. Some days I go through 3 pairs of spandex capris depending on how many spin classes I'm teaching and when I train and coach.  I have competition shirts crammed in drawers and tank tops as far as the eye can see. How many pairs of black workout pants do I need? From the looks of it, all of them. But how many pairs of jeans do I need? Apparently just two. And they haven't seen the light of day in eons.

I wouldn't say I'm the ultimate gym rat but I do have an affinity for pepperjack cheese and my mouse hole is the MSWLC facility. From the amount of gym clothes I go through in a day, buying stock in laundry detergent wouldn't be a bad idea. Let's put it this way, when people ask me to do something outside a gym, two things happen: (1) I internally squeal for having social interactions and (2) I ask "Do I have to wear human clothes?"


Whenever I get stressed out, I go through my drawers and my closet and clean it out for charity. It's therapeutic. Sometimes I'll find clothing that reminds me of a certain time period in my life. Some items make me smile: that shirt was the one I wore when I stood on top of the podium, those tights were given me to my a client, and that neon bra has been with me for years. Some items make me cringe and laugh: that tank reminds me of the time I dropped 45# directly on my foot and those shorts remind me of the time I did my first sled workout.


But then there are some clothes that upset me. I'm not just talking about the shirt an ex bought me or the dress I wore when I got stood up. I'm talking about the tank tops and the pants that I wore during the exercise bulimia days. As I was cleaning things out last week I came across one tank in particular that really just triggered me.


It was a pink tank that I just absolutely loved; unfortunately I loved to wear it when I was undereating and overtraining. It was a size 4. I tried it on and a flood of memories and bad thoughts started creeping through my head. "Why doesn't it fit like it used to? You looked better then. You should weigh yourself. You shouldn't eat any more today. You should workout longer today."

Needless to say I did none of those things. Instead, I took the top off and placed it online to find another owner. I LOVED that top. It breathed so well and it really brought out the traps. But I didn't love how the memories attached to it made me feel. I will never hang on to clothes that are too big or too small hoping I will fit into them. So why should I hang on to clothes that make me feel a certain way? I'm happy to report a good friend took the Pink Tank top off my hands and will be lifting and mobilizing like a champion in it.

This video is in honor of my Pink Lululemon top. I direct you to the opening statement and 2:13. You're welcome Amanda

Iron Lesson? Don't hang on to your fitness past and memories. Make new ones. The iron doesn't care what you size you are or what you are wearing (although it may suggest tights so you aren't rubbing your thighs raw). Clean your closet like you clean your weights and who knows: it may just give you an excuse to go buy some more clothes. You know, to show off those traps and that new good self esteem glow.



Sunday, January 26, 2014

Release the demons

In my sport, injuries happen. They do. Torn quads, tendons, rotators, backs, wrists, knees...something is bound to get jacked up. When you've been doing it 12 years, the bell is going to ring every now and then. When it does, and you are put on the sideline, it cages the beast and the demons inside you. All they want to do is escape and rage. You have to let them. When you don't, days like today happen.

 The Break

Today I hit a wall in my own training.

Actually, I haven't been training the last 3 weeks. I've been "working out". I haven't had a goal. With the back being a stubborn little jerk, everything has been upper body. By upper body, I mean bench press and curling because bending motions and twisting the trunk inflame it.

In between one on one sessions today, I benched. I had no plan. Just went through the motions. Spent a lot of time in between sets staring at the warehouse ceiling. Playing on my phone. Things that I would berate my lifters for doing; letting the mind wander and not being present. I just quit halfway through the "plan" I had and sat in a chair and ate crackers until the next session.

On one hand it's nice to give my mind a break. Training takes so much out of you mentally. I throw everything I have into it. Example: last year at Nationals after my final lift, I walked off the stage, past a group of people, slumped against the wall and burst into tears. Tears of relief. I could relax. My 7 months of training was over. The barbell is my best friend and my worst enemy. To paraphrase Beyonce, I have sweet dreams and beautiful nightmares about it.

The Crisis

On the other hand , I question my existence without a plan. Throw in someone bringing up Nationals today and insert an existential crisis . I've been fighting this injury since Nationals last year. I thought "Sweet baby jesus...it's been this long?!...What am I doing with my life?" Then of course you start looking at old videos and pictures. That's healthy right? (answer: ABSOLUTELY NOT).

Down the rabbit hole I went and I looked up some state bench records (aka what I can compete in at the moment; albeit it's without arching because that inflames it). My bench has always been very weak due in part to my unfused shoulders. I did a cycle semi-recently and it improved drastically. It's all I've got right now so it has my undivided attention.

The Plan

Looking at those records and seeing how very close they were to my own PR fire lit my fire. I was hungry. Actually--I was ravenous. For a highly competitive individual, being gone one month, two months, let alone six months, takes a toll on you. I harnessed that hunger into coaching and programming and it's been great.

The Platform
But once an athlete, always an athlete. There is nothing like being on a platform. The 1000 yard death stare looking at the bar. The tunnel vision. Being oblivious to everyone and everything except that head judge's hand and voice. Those seconds you stand on the platform after a lift waiting for the lights to decide your fate. Competition brings out the best and worst in people; their true character is exposed.

I long to get back to that plywood. I'm not cleared for a barbell on my back or picking it up off the floor so I signed up to do the BP portion of a full meet. $65 for 3 lifts. To some that might sound insane. Lead by example, put up or shut up. I lift for myself and to battle off my own demons. They've been bottled up too long the last few months (please see other blog posts about the ED and recovery). The only way they can be released is by genuinely training and being on a platform.

Back to the hellhole we call training I go. I'm gunning for that record. I'm releasing the demons. When you see them, I suggest you run the other way. They've been waiting to get out.



This video got me to and through nationals (and a lot of other life events). Here we go again my friend.

Monday, January 13, 2014

Sharing Is Caring

Growing up we are taught that "sharing is caring."



















Sharing doesn't just mean sharing your snacks. Sidenote: anyone that knows me knows that Amber loves her some snacks. If I ask you if you want some of my food, you, my friend, just ascended to the next level of friendship. If you share a snack with me, watch out because I might bite your hand off as I go to take it. Dirty D and the Fat Rabbit below are my spirit animals.



















As I've gotten older, I realize sharing also means sharing your experiences and your story.  I can't attribute this nugget of wisdom to the barbell alone but being able to tell my story through the barbell has allowed me to grow exponentially as a person. The barbell is the ultimate acknowledger of your breakdowns and your breakthroughs. I have many videos of me jumping high in the air or squealing after a PR but I have even more videos of me swearing at the bar and roaring. In my best breakdown caught on film, I literally shoved the barbell across the room and followed it as dirty slurs flew from my mouth. This was after I slung a PVC pipe the length of the gym.

Every time I have a new client or I go to a gym to coach trainers, I tell my story. I tell the good, the bad, and the ugly. The records, the championships, my athlete's accomplishments but I also tell of the injuries, the setbacks, the shoulders, and the eating disorder. Nothing is too personal. By sharing my story it helps open the doors for others to share theirs. Even if they never speak about it to me, I know it lessens the stigma of talking about it to others. Sometimes people put you on a pedestal but no one is perfect. Except maybe Donny Shankle but that's here nor there.

I make it a point to list off the names of every coach and mentor I've learned from too. I make it a point to say that you never stop learning. Learn from me in this session and take all the knowledge bombs I've accumulated over the years and make your own. Share my story, share my cues, share my mentors!

Why do I share? Because my mentors shared with me. I'm not anywhere near their expertise yet but by traveling and meeting new lifters, coaches, and programmers, I can be one day. And it's all because they were open to share with me. Don't be afraid to ask for help or advice. Just make sure that you share what you learned with others. That's why anytime someone comes to me with a genuine thirst for knowledge, I help them any way I can. There's a difference between asking for help and wasting my time because you're too lazy to find an answer yourself. I took one of our young MSWLC lifters under my wing and he is starting to shadow coach with us with the caveat that he has to find an article every week to discuss with us. We all share and grow from the experience. Foster relationships and share everything you learn.

I had one of the best compliments of my lifting career the other day. As I was leaving a facility, my athlete called me Sensei. I thought back to all of the Senseis, mentors, lifters and those in the weightlifting/powerlifting community that helped mold me. So here's a short list for you guys. Seek them all out in some or fashion. You won't be disappointed.

ROLL CALL! 

 My personal Sensei, best friend, and MSWLC co-founder Tyler "TPain" Smith.
Our mutual Sensei, accomplished lifter and coach, Justin Thacker (call him today for a ABC seminar; thelabgym.com)
Thacker's grasshopper Pat Mahoney
Current USAW Nat'l Champ and business extraordnaire Samantha Zimmerman
Jason Poeth
MDUSA's very own Rebecca "BexxMixx" Gerdon
Matt Bruce
Gayle Hatch
CJ Stockel
Kim Treggo
Wendi Crotts
Mississippi Weightlifting Club
Chris Lachney
Richard and Kimmy Trowbridge
Chris Spealler
Danielle Hudes
Mike Taylor
Ellen Underwood
Dex Hopkins 
Liberty Barbell Club
Cal Strength and the countless hours of YouTube rabbit holes I've been down

Without them, Amber wouldn't be able to travel around on weekends doing this:


Thank you to every one I've run across on this journey so far.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Strong is not the new skinny


This injury has been having me fight with myself and my body the last five months. The barbell saved my life before in showing me that a number on the scale didn't matter. Before I found the sport again in 2008 after a brief hiatus, I had been so wrapped up in loosing weight and body fat composition and what size my pants were. After finding the barbell again, I went the opposite direction: my self worth was predicated on how much I could lift--my strength. Instead of calorie counting, I counted the kilos on the bar and that measured my self esteem. If I wasn't skinny, I had to be strong. I have an addictive, perfectionist mentality. I couldn't just be strong. I had to be the strongest. Even if I was just competing with myself. It's safe to say I substituted one demon for another.

Enter the Great Back Injury of 2013.

When I was stripped of squatting, dead lifting, front squatting, cleaning, snatching (you get the point), I lost my identity. I didn't want to eat. I had feelings of disgust at my body. "You aren't even strong anymore," I thought.  Don't get me wrong, I still lifted what I could (hello upper body) but when you are surrounded by the CrossFit boom, all you hear is "Strong is the New Skinny". While it's great society is slowly shifting to a positive view of empowered females, I'm not so sure we should equate our self worth with how much weight is on our back. How is that any different than equating your self worth with a number on the scale or a jean size? In this case maybe I need to say your Nike Pro booty short size or inseam.

With all of the weightlifting club stuff and my coaching career really picking up speed, it has showed me that I am more than weight on the scale, more than my muscle mass, and more than what I lift. Those things are a part of me but what really makes me is inside. It’s my heart, my passion, and my drive. Two of my personal programmers are gym owners whose lights have dimmed and needed fire. In sharing my story and my passion for the sport, it's helped rekindle theirs. There is excitement for their own sessions, but more importantly there is excitement from them to coach again. That is the greatest gift I could ever give someone.

As the numbers metaphorically shift on the scale and certain areas of my body expand or diminish, those qualities haven’t been stripped. If anything the light they provide shines brighter and brighter every day. Otherwise none of this would be happening. Sometimes I think I’m too involved in this sport, in my athletes, and with constantly seeking more and more knowledge (practical and theoretical). Maybe I annoy some with all of my Facebook and instagram posts...heck even this blog: they all correlate to weightlifting and strength sports. But then I quickly get my wits back about me and I just think all that means is I’m so passionate that it can’t help but pour out of me and into every facet of my life. If I can share that love and that light, then I will. Because that is what makes a difference in your life...not how much you squat.